Best Jokes
Favorite this joke A couple go to a marriage counselor. The husband barely sits down before rattling off a long list of things his wife needs to improve on.
The counselor replied, "Wow, that's quite a long list. How about you ma'am, do you also have a long list of complaints?"
"Nope," she answered, "I only have one complaint."
"What might that be?"
"He lies!"
In a courtroom, where tensions are high...
Judge: Order! Order in the court!
Plaintiff: I'll take a ham on rye.
There is this boat on a jungle tour crowded with cheerful and motivated tourists. That was when they saw a frog sitting on the edge of the boat with a languid and sad look holding on to his old guitar. A tourist asks the captain what was the meaning of that?
- Look, sir. He likes attention, he is a "show frog" and plays and sings for fun. Whenever someone touches his left leg, he then raises his left leg and plays popular music. And whenever you touch his right leg, he raises his right leg and plays soft music .
- And if someone touches both his legs?
- Don't be dumb sir, if you touch both his legs, then he raises both legs, falls backwards, and sinks in the water.
Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven."
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.
To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.
A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"
Free Daily Joke