A Politician rang up the "self help" line and said "I'm fed up with my life and am going to kill myself"
The operator said "where are you". The politician said "I am on the train track under the bridge"
The operator said "please stay on the line"????
Did you hear about the baby that was born in a high tech. hospital?
It came out cordless!
Two children went into their parent's bathroom and noticed the scale in the corner.
"Whatever you do," cautioned one child to the younger one, "don't step on it!"
"Why not?" asked the sibling.
"Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!"
A funny magician accidentally turned his wife into a couch and his two kids into armchairs. He started to panic and thought to himself, "What on earth have I done?"
He began to ponder, "How am I going to bring back my beloved family?" So, he thought for a while and decided a good idea was to take them to a hospital and see if the surgeon could operate and bring them back. He loaded them into his van and off he rushed to the local hospital.
He walked up and down the hospital hall and after some serious surgery, he asks the doctor, "Doc, how are they?"
The doctor replied, "Comfortable!"