Best Jokes

My 5-year-old nephew, Felix, wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game.

"You have to count my strokes," my brother told him. "How much is six plus nine plus eight?"

"Five," answered Felix.

"Okay," my brother said, "let's go."

I love my job, I love the pay.
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss; he is the best.
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location.
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
And the paper that piles up every day.

I love my chair in my padded cell.
There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers.
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.

I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it don't care.
I love each program and every file,
I try to understand once in a while.

I'm happy to be here, I am, I am;
I'm the happiest slave of my Uncle Sam.
I love this work; I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.

I love my job-I'll say it again.
I even love these friendly men,
These men who've come to visit today
In lovely white coats to take me away.

How do you get into the School of Rock?

How else, you rock enroll.

Me: How much are tickets?

Ticketmaster: They’re $55 each.

Me: Ok I’ll take two.

TM: Great that’ll be $847.83.