Best Jokes

Two friends arranged to meet at a store in the local mall. One never showed up, so the other went home. When they talked later that night, the second woman asked the first what had happened.

"It was terrible, "the first woman said. "I was on the escalator on my way to meet you, and it suddenly stopped running. I stood there for over an hour while they fixed it."

"You stood on the escalator for an hour while he fixed it?" the second friend asked

"Of course, what else would I do?"

"You dummy! Why didn't you sit down?"

Hmmm... I just found a strange piece of plastic on the floor that looks like it broke off of something...

But I have no idea what...

Better save it in the junk drawer until I die.

My father said, "Marry a girl who has the same beliefs as the family."

I said, "Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?"

An antelope and a lion entered a diner and took a booth near the window. When the waiter approached, the antelope said, “I’ll have a bowl of hay and a side order of radishes.”

“And what would your friend have?”

“Nothing,” replied the antelope.

The waiter persisted, “Isn’t he hungry?”

“Hey, if he were hungry,” said the antelope, “would I be sitting here?”