Best Jokes

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

I called my stockbroker and told him I wanted to buy some cannabis stocks.

He told me I had to open a joint account.

A sales rep for a publisher of accounting reference materials was talking to a customer about a guide to assist with preparing for an audit. The way she described their organization led him to believe they might have an internal audit department.

I asked, "Do you have an in-house auditor?"

"No," she answered. "We have an outhouse auditor."

Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kanobe were visiting a Chinese restaurant one day. After being brought their meals, Luke attempted to use the chopsticks, but never quite got the hang of it and kept dropping food everywhere, with utterly frustrated him.

"Do not despair, young Skywaler," Obi-Wan said. "Just use the forks."