The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine, who is not so bright. He asked if I knew what the buzzing was for?
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Without missing a beat, he responded, "What are blind people doing driving?"
As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.
When the first student had completed her time, I asked her to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, she asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?"
Two older women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day.
"I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous," the first one said.
"Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick."
"What did you do?"
"I hid his teeth."
Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back:
"Pour some hot water around the edges and then gently tap it with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"We now need a new computer."