Best Jokes

At the UPS cargo phone center where I worked, a woman called and said, "I need a baseball quote."

I immediately answered with Yogi Berra's famous, "It ain't over 'til it's over!"

There was a brief moment of silence before the woman asked, "What was that?"

"You asked me for a baseball quote," I responded, "and that was the first thing that came into my head."

"Oh," she replied. "My husband told me to call and get a baseball quote."

I asked if she wanted to ship something and she said she did. Then it dawned on me so I asked, "Do you mean you want a ballpark figure?"

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

We got married for better or worse...

He couldn't do any better and I couldn't do any worse.