Best Jokes

The girlfriend stands by door, not sure what to say. “Honey, why is your whole upper half covered in baby oil?”

“Well, you’re always saying I never glisten,” replies the boyfriend.

“Listen! I said you never LISTEN!”

“Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?”

One of my job responsibilities is to input employee self-evaluations.

There was a junior manager's self-evaluation, which said in part, "I have been on the job for three months, and I finally feel as if I've accomplished something."

I made one mistake, however. I replaced the word 'job' with 'John'.

A retired couple are discussing all aspects of their future. The man asked the woman, "What will you do if die?"

After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.

Then she inquired, "What will you do if I die first?"

He replied, "Probably the same thing."