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Favorite this joke A husband died. A few weeks later the wife died. As she got to heaven she saw her husband. She ran up to him with tears in her eyes.
"Darling, how I've missed you!"
The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says, "Whoa there woman, the contract was until death!"
The girlfriend stands by door, not sure what to say. “Honey, why is your whole upper half covered in baby oil?”
“Well, you’re always saying I never glisten,” replies the boyfriend.
“Listen! I said you never LISTEN!”
“Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?”
One of my job responsibilities is to input employee self-evaluations.
There was a junior manager's self-evaluation, which said in part, "I have been on the job for three months, and I finally feel as if I've accomplished something."
I made one mistake, however. I replaced the word 'job' with 'John'.
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