Best Jokes

Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confronted by a policeman.

"Hey, aren't you those three escaped convicts?" asked the policeman.

Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said, "No, I'm Mark, Mark Spencer."

"The second followed his lead and said, "My names is William, W.H. Smith."

The third said, "My name is Ken... Ken Tuckyfriedchicken!"

A proud father never tired of telling how smart his son Arthur was.

“Arthur could recite the Gettysburg Address when he was ten years old. Lincoln didn’t say it until he was fifty!”

Jill: I can stay underwater for ten minutes!

Jack: That’s impossible!

Jill: (takes a glass of water and holds it over her head for ten minutes.) See, I told you!

It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit.

He explained, "I put my long life down to spending so much time outdoors. I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years."

"How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?" they asked.

"It's simple," he said. "When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made a solemn pledge. We agreed that whenever we had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take a long walk."