Best Jokes

Jake: If you were in a line at a ticket window, and the man in front of you was going to Chicago and the money lady behind you was going to Atlanta, where would you be going?

Fran: I don’t know.

Jake: If you don’t know where you are going, why are you in line?

A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise, so he decided to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his administrative assistant asked him how he was doing.

"It's going fine," the manager said. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, "To the corner! Backhand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"

"Really? What happens then?" the woman asked enthusiastically.

"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!'"

In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered.

An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"

"He is, but tell me, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked.

"Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it!"

"My ancestry goes back all the way to Alexander the Great," said Christine. She then turned to Miriam and asked, "How far back does your family go?"

"I don't know," replied Miriam, "all of our records were lost in the flood."