Best Jokes

A politician awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation and found that the curtains were drawn around him.

"Why are the curtains closed," he said. "Is it night?"

A nurse replied, "No, it's just that there's a fire at the empty warehouse across the street, and we didn't want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful."

As a kid, parent-teacher conferences were embarrassing and awkward for me and my parents. My teacher made my parents write on the blackboard one hundred times, "We will not have any more children."

A flight attendant was on the red-eye to Manila when a water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout the cabin of the 747.

A very sleepy passenger who had become aware of the dampness asked the attendant, "Has it been raining?"

Keeping a straight face, the attendant replied, "Yes, but we put the top up."

With a sigh of relief, the passenger went back to sleep.

The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."

"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants?"

"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized."