Best Jokes

Years ago when my two girls were small, they were taught how to say their blessing before eating their meal. One night as I was busy scurrying around the kitchen, I told them both to stay their blessings without me.

I took a moment to watch them as they both squeezed their eyes tightly shut over folded hands. As my 4-year-old finished, her 3-year-old sister kept on praying.

Another minute or two passed before she lifted her head, looked at her plate, and in an indignant voice said, “Hey! My peas are still here!"

A man was complaining to his friend: “I’m sick of the police telling me how to drive when they themselves are worse drivers.”

“How do you mean?” asked the friend.

“Well, just look at how many signs you see by the side of the road saying, ‘Police Accident’.”

Little Benny and his daddy were standing in front of the lion's cage at the zoo.

Benny's father was explaining how ferocious and strong lions are, and Benny was taking it all in with a serious expression.

Daddy," Benny said finally, "if the lion got out of his cage and ate you up..."

"Yes, son?" Benny's father said expectantly.

Benny continued, "What bus should I take home?

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

"Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Let's offer them ham and eggs!"

"Not so fast," said the pig. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment!"