A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.
Several months later, a friend who used to work with him asked him how he liked his new role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer isn't always right!"
If someday we all go to prison for downloading music...
I hope they split us by music genre.
Little Emily was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, "Why did the lady change her mind?"
Her mother asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one."
Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the sixty-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothing," said the seventy-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"
"Actually," said the eighty-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty-year-old.
"No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6 AM. I usually pee like a racehorse - no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the seventy-year-old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the sixty-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty?"
To which the eighty-year-old replied, "I don't wake up until ten."