Best Jokes

I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.

“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”

A snail goes to buy a car and looks at several models. He looks a the 'z' car, an 'x' car, and an 's' car.

He decides to buy the 's' car.

Now when he drives down the street, everyone says look at that 's'-car-go!

Girl friend (whilst having a romantic dinner at a restaurant): "Say something which spurs my heart-beat"
Boy-Friend: "I forgot to bring any money"

After a trial had been going on for three days, Harrison, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench.

"Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."

The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.

Harrison looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."