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Favorite this joke Little Emily was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, "Why did the lady change her mind?"
Her mother asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one."
Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the sixty-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothing," said the seventy-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"
"Actually," said the eighty-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty-year-old.
"No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6 AM. I usually pee like a racehorse - no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the seventy-year-old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the sixty-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty?"
To which the eighty-year-old replied, "I don't wake up until ten."
Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.
I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.
“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”
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