Girl: I’d like a triple vanilla ice cream sundae with chocolate syrup, nuts, and a lot of whipped cream.
Waiter: With a cherry on top?
Girl: Heavens no! I’m on a diet.
Mom: "Little Johnny, why are you taking your ruler to bed with you?"
Little Johnny: "To see how long I sleep..."
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real.
He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
Little Johnny said, "Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, 'Good Lord, are you still in there?!'"
A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."