How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two - one to screw it most of the way and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
I asked my wife when her birthday was.
She said March 1st.
So I walked around the room and asked again.
My wife said that my granddaughter has me wrapped around her little finger.
I said, "That's not true. I said 'no' to her just yesterday."
"What did she ask you?"
"She asked me if there was anything I wouldn't give her."
"I'm a walking economy," a man was overheard saying...
"My hairline's in recession, my waist is a victim of inflation, and together they're putting me in a deep depression."