Best Jokes

Great news, Mr. Bradley," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again."

"Gee, that's great, Doc," the patient replied.

"And just to prove it, I want you to stop by the mall on the way home and walk the length of the stores. You'll see that you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever."

"Oh, Doctor, what can I do to thank you?"

"Well," suggested the psychiatrist, "if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new TV."

My cousin Jimmy was having a terrible time falling asleep unless he was lying on a pile of old magazines.

It turns out he had back issues.

My idea of a SUPER BOWL is a toilet that cleans itself...

I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair right at the front, I pointed to my forehead.

"Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband.

"What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"