Latest Jokes

My neighbor’s wife came running up to me in the driveway the other day just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but I started jumping up and down along with her.

She said, “I have some really great news!”

I said, “Great. Tell me what you’re so happy about.”

She stopped jumping just long enough to tell me that she was pregnant. I was happy for her. I know they have been trying for a long time. I told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!”

Then she said “Oh, there’s more!”

I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?”

She said, “Well, we’re not having just ONE baby. We’re going to have TWINS!”

Amazed that she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked how she knew this.

She said, “Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the Twin-Pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!”

Carl: I heard a new joke the other day. I wonder if I told it to you?

Lenny: Is it funny?

Carl: Yes.

Lenny: Then you didn’t.

Teacher: Little Johnny, how old were you on your last birthday?

Little Johnny: Seven.

Teacher: How old will you be on your next birthday?

Little Johnny: Nine.

Teacher: That's impossible.

Little Johnny: No it isn’t teacher. I’m eight today.