Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, “Don’t worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.”
“Really? Why do you think so?” asks the despairing one.
“I owe the IRS five years’ worth of taxes.”
Grandfather: Son, you've got your shoes on the wrong feet.
Grandson: But these are the only feet I have?
Grandfather: Fair enough.
He who drinks a fifth on the fourth...
May not be able to go forth on the fifth!
The cowboy ordered a steak at a restaurant and it was served rare, very rare. He looked at it and ask that it be returned to the kitchen and cooked.
The chef came out to inform him that the steak was cooked.
"Cooked? You call this cooked? I've seen cows hurt worse than this and they get well."