The minister, meeting a neighbor's son after church, noticed he had a black eye. He put his hand on the boys head and says, "My boy, I pray you may never fight again. And that you will never get a black eye again."
"Thank you," the boy answered. "You may want to go home and pray for your own son too, I just gave him two of them."
Never, NEVER, NEVER make your girlfriend mad...
They can remember stuff that that hasn't even happened yet!
Why can a Cheetah not hide?
Because it's always spotted!
Friend: "What are you going to give your mother-in-law for Christmas?"
Me: "Her son back!"