An elderly man was remembering the good old days. “When I was young, my mom could send me to a shop with a single dollar, and I would bring back 5 pounds of potatoes, 2 breads, a bottle of milk, a piece of cheese, and 10 eggs.
Nowadays that is impossible... there are simply too many security cameras!
The new chairman, giving his acceptance speech at the annual meeting of a local society club indicated his concern...
"In most associations half the members do most of the work while the other half does nothing. Beginning today this will change. From this day forward this will be reversed!"
Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels. His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital. Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor.
“MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?” The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax, now tell me how much time elapses between the contractions?”
“MAGGIE!” Brian screamed on the top of his lungs, “HOW MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? OK, TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN DOCTOR!”
“And is this her first child?” questioned the doctor.
“NO YOU STUPID NITWIT, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!”