They say you shouldn't go grocery shopping when you're hungry...
But I ran out of food a few days ago, and it's just getting worse!
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships just don't work out.
Teacher: "What ancient ruler was it who played the fiddle while Rome was burning?"
Johnny: "Hector, ma'am."
Teacher: "No, not Hector. Hector was no ruler, he was a Trojan prince. Try again."
Johnny: "Then it was Duke!"
Teacher: "Duke? What do you mean Johnny?"
Johnny: "Well then, it must have been Nero... I knew it was someone with a dogs name."
Me (texting): Are we still on for today?
Reply Received: You don’t have to text me this every morning! As your boss, trust me when I say, WE ARE "ON" FOR WORK EVERYDAY, MON - FRI!