I changed my reference to the bathroom from John to Jim...
Sounds much more impressive saying I went to the "Jim" this morning.
You can change a cat's litter box but you can't change its Purr-ceptions!
Both my wife and I are bad cooks.
Our cooking is so bad, that our kids have started praying after we've had dinner.
When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit. One day a long compliance form came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. So I read and initialed it.
A few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read, "You are not permanently assigned to this unit. Thus, you are not an authorized signer and you should not be initialing this form. Now please erase your initials and then initial your erasure."