Best Jokes

$5.00 won 2 votes

All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together...

At first it's boring, but then it's riveting.

2 votes

CATEGORY Puns
posted by "Danny Jackson" |
2 votes

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it will always be yours.

If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.

But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it.

2 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "Merkv814" |
2 votes

A guy driving a small car pulled up to a stop light next to a luxury car. He rolled down his window and shouted to the other driver, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a Hi-Fi sound system in your car? I've got a Hi-Fi sound system in my car!"

The driver of the luxury car looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a Hi-Fi sound system."

The driver of the small car said, "That's great man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my car!"

The driver of the luxury car, quite irritated by now, replied, "Of course, I have a television. My car is is one of the finest cars in the world!"

The driver of the small car said, "Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my car!"

The driver of the luxury car, upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his car.

The next morning, he returned to pick up his vehicle, and the bed looked superb. It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a luxury car.

So the driver began searching for the small car. He drove around all day and finally found it late that night. It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside.

He got out and knocked on the window of the small car. When there wasn't any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.

"I now have a bed in the back of my car," the driver of the luxury car stated arrogantly.

The driver of the small car looked at him narrowly and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THIS?!?!"

2 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
2 votes

The head of the British division of Publishers Clearing House (the organization that shocks people at their door with a huge check) was recently knighted by the Queen of England.

What was the newly knighted name of this fellow?

Sir Prize!

2 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "Alan Valentine" |