During the first day of Navy Boot Camp, the lieutenant in charge had a stack of cards with each person’s name on it. He said, “When I read off your name, I want you to step forward, say 'Here, sir', then salute me, and then get back to where you were!”
Andrews: “Here, sir!”
Cooper: “Here, sir!”
Lieutenant: “Seeback!” (No response) “Seeback! (Still no response) “I said Seeback!”
The admiral next to him whispers something in his ear. The lieutenant then turns the card over and says: “Lodge!”
Lodge: “Here, sir!”
One day a man is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks, "Does your dog bite?" the old man replies "No never". When the man bends down to stroke the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!", "I did" replies the old man, "But this isn't my dog!'.
Four expectant fathers were in a Minnesota hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor.
The nurse comes in and tells the first man, "Congratulations, You're the father of twins."
"What a coincidence!" the man exclaims. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"
The nurse returns a short while later and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets."
"Wow, what a coincidence!" he replies. "I work for the 3M Corporation."
When the nurse comes again, she tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.
"Another coincidence!" he tells her. "I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"
At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask him what was wrong.
He moans, "I work for Seven-Eleven!"