Best Jokes

Joe: "Why do matadors wave red capes at bulls?"

Moe: "To make them angry so they'll charge."

Joe: "Do they dislike the color red that much?"

Moe: "Actually no, it's chickens that don't like red."

Joe: "But what does that have to do with bull fighting?"

Moe: "A bull really hates getting treated like a chicken."

As a member of the Marine Corps, a man was stationed at Twenty-Nine Palms Base in California. Among those serving there was a private who was determined not to re-enlist. At inspection one morning, the officer asked him, "Are you married, son?"

"No, sir," he replied. "Engaged."

"There's no need to get married," the officer said, sensing an opportunity to change the private's plans for discharge. "The Marine Corps is your wife. It clothes you, feeds you, puts a roof over your head, keeps you in top physical condition and provides you with companionship. What else could you possibly want?"

"With all due respect, sir," answered the private, "... a divorce!"

A man walked into the community store at a remote village. "Pardon me," he said. "But I'm a bit new to this town. Where is the movie theater?"

"We don't have one." the clerk replied.

"Hmm, okay, what about a golf course?"

"We don't have one."

"Well, where's your local football stadium? Surely you must play football."

"Nope."

"Well, then what do you do for fun around here? Where do you people go fishing and boating?"

"The same place where we play football, watch movies and golf."

How come fish are so skinny?

Cause they only eat fish