Best Jokes

A beer is like the sun...

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist!

Don’t ever pay a surprise visit to a child in college. You might be the one getting the surprise. I learned this the hard way when I swung by my son’s campus during a business trip.

Locating what I thought was his fraternity house, I rang the doorbell. "Yeah?" a voice called from inside.

"Does Dylan Houseman live here?"

"Yup," the voice answered. "Leave him on the front porch. We’ll bring him in later."

Patient: "Doctor, can you tell me what are your fees?"

Doctor: "For the 1st visit I charge $2000 and the 2nd visit is free."

[The patient then decided to lie.]

Patient: "Doctor, this is my second visit."

Doctor: "In that case, please continue taking the medicines that I had prescribed on your first visit."

Doctor: "I have your MRI results."

Patient: "Is my brain functioning normal?"

Doctor: "No. Half your brain is clogged with usernames and the other half is clogged with passwords.