Did a little mechanical work today...
I put a rear end in a recliner.
During graduate school, I tutored a football player in Psychology 101. After the session, my supervising professor asked me if I was interested in the student, since he was a good-looking athlete.
“No, I’m not,” I assured him.
“Yeah, you probably prefer men who eat quiche,” he joked.
“Actually, I prefer men who can spell quiche.”
I've never been married...
... but I've had a few near Mrs.!!!
My landlord texted me saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”