Best Jokes

During graduate school, I tutored a football player in Psychology 101. After the session, my supervising professor asked me if I was interested in the student, since he was a good-looking athlete.

“No, I’m not,” I assured him.

“Yeah, you probably prefer men who eat quiche,” he joked.

“Actually, I prefer men who can spell quiche.”

I've never been married...

... but I've had a few near Mrs.!!!

My landlord texted me saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.

I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”

"We have your son," said the kidnapper.

"I don't have a son," says the woman.

"Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?"

"Oh God, you have my husband."