Best Jokes

$12.00 won 8 votes

A lady is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to stop eating regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.

When the lady returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The lady nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.

“No, from skipping,” replied the lady.

8 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $12.00
posted by "virgogal" |
$10.00 won 8 votes

Judge: "I order you to pay $10,000."

Mario: "Why?"

Judge: "It’s a fine."

Mario: "No itsa not!"

8 votes

CATEGORY Judge Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |
$9.00 won 8 votes

I spent $80 on a belt that didn't fit...

My wife said it was a huge waist.

8 votes

Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Danny Jackson" |
8 votes

An engaged couple was having an intense argument.

She: "If that's the kind of person you are, I'm going to break our engagement right now. My feelings towards you have changed. I don't want anything more to do with you."

He: "In that case give me my ring back!"

She: "My feelings toward you have changed. My feelings about the ring have not..."

8 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Benjones" |