Best Jokes

Why do bees stay in their beehives all through the winter?

Swarm.

One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an airplane. When he jumped there was good and bad news....

Good news: He had a parachute.

Bad News: It didnt work.

Good News: There was a haystack down below.

Bad news: There was a pitchfork in the haystack.

Good News: He missed the pitchfork.

Bad News: He missed the haystack.

A lady is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to stop eating regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.

When the lady returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The lady nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.

“No, from skipping,” replied the lady.

Judge: "I order you to pay $10,000."

Mario: "Why?"

Judge: "It’s a fine."

Mario: "No itsa not!"