Best Jokes

As the after dinner speaker gushed on and on, Deacon Miller nodded, and nodded until his head rested on the table cloth. The chairman reached over and bumped him lightly on the head with his gavel.

Deacon Miller: "Hit me harder, I can still hear him..."

Two old settlers out in the FAR WEST, confirmed bachelors, got to talking about cooking.

"I got one of them cookery books once, but I could do nothing with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?"

"You said it! Every one o'them recipes began the same way... 'Take out a clean dish'... that settled me."

Why do you pronounce “queue” as “q”?

Because the other letters are waiting in line.

Ms. Warner: "Well, how are you getting on in your new eight room house?"

Ms. Kyle: "Oh, not so badly. We furnished one of the bedrooms by collecting soap coupons."

Ms. Warner: "Didn't you furnished the other seven rooms?"

Ms. Kyle: "We can't. They are full of the soap."