Best Jokes

1 votes

Blessed Be The Tie

A guy walking in the desert desperately needed a drink. As he followed the dunes, he came upon another man riding a camel. He asked the man if he had something to drink.

The man on the camel said "No, but if you like, I have a nice selection of ties. Would you like to buy one?"

"No!" The first man replied. "Are you crazy? I need something to drink, not a tie!"

So the man on the camel rode on, and the walking man continued his slow and very thirsty trek for several days. Finally he came upon a Cantina.

He gratefully approached the doorman at the Cantina and said, "I'm so glad I made it! Can I get in and get some water?"

The doorman frowned at him. "Not without a tie."

1 votes

CATEGORY Business Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
1 votes

A guy walks into a bar and asks, "Who owns that Doberman tied up outside?"

A man replies, "That's my dog".

"Well," says the first man, "I think my Chihuahua killed him."

"Your CHIHUAHUA killed my Doberman?"

"How'd he do that?" asks the man at the bar.

"I'm not sure. I think he got lodged in his throat".

1 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Rita " |
1 votes

China has a population of a billion people. One billion.

That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you!

1 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "Leogal" |
1 votes

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

1 votes

CATEGORY Money Jokes
posted by "ltsai" |