Best Jokes

On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions - Use like regular soap.

On some Schwan frozen dinners: Serving suggestion - Defrost.

On packaging for an iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: The product will be hot after heating.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions - Open the packet. Eat nuts.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase is necessary. Details inside.

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

The city boy goes west to visit his uncle. After the sun goes down, the boy hears strange, another-world howling. He gets frightened and runs to his uncle. "Uncle, uncle, there are werewolves!"

"That's rubbish, boy, ain't no such thing".

"'Then, there must be man-eating wolves".

"No, we haven't got those buddies, either."

"What is this sound, then?" the boy asks.

"They are coyotes".

"Coyotes? What are those?"

"They look a lot like dogs. In fact, ya can consider them a kind of dog."

The boy wants to find out more: "Why are they making that frightening noise?"

"See, nephew, we ain't got many trees around here. We got cactuses!"

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him.

The judge gave me 15 years.

Problem solved.

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.

"We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper."