Best Jokes

A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.

The teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"

Grandpa replies, "Nope."

"Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"

"A wedding ring."

On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions - Use like regular soap.

On some Schwan frozen dinners: Serving suggestion - Defrost.

On packaging for an iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: The product will be hot after heating.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions - Open the packet. Eat nuts.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase is necessary. Details inside.

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

The city boy goes west to visit his uncle. After the sun goes down, the boy hears strange, another-world howling. He gets frightened and runs to his uncle. "Uncle, uncle, there are werewolves!"

"That's rubbish, boy, ain't no such thing".

"'Then, there must be man-eating wolves".

"No, we haven't got those buddies, either."

"What is this sound, then?" the boy asks.

"They are coyotes".

"Coyotes? What are those?"

"They look a lot like dogs. In fact, ya can consider them a kind of dog."

The boy wants to find out more: "Why are they making that frightening noise?"

"See, nephew, we ain't got many trees around here. We got cactuses!"

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him.

The judge gave me 15 years.

Problem solved.