A man and a woman who never met before, find themselves on upper and lower berth of a long distance train.
At 2 am, man leans over saying, "Ma'am, sorry to bother you, would you be kind enough to give me a second blanket from the side table. It's awfully cold here.
"I have a better idea", she replied, "Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we are married?"
"Great idea Ma'am", he replied in great excitement.
She says, "Well then get up and take it yourself"
The foreman on a contracted job started bawling out one of the men, "I've had slow men on jobs before but you are the slowest I've ever seen. Is there anything you are quick with?"
"Well," yawned the workman, "nobody can get tired as quick as I can."
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception. His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty.
“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well," he replied, "I said I was 87!"
Little Johnny turns up late for school one day and his teacher asks why.
Little Johnny responds, "It's snowing heavily outside, so every time I took one step forward, I slipped two steps back."
"Well, how did you make it to school then?"
Little Johnny sighs, "I got fed up, so I turned to go home."