Best Jokes

Little Johnny is visiting his grandma for the weekend. "Would you like a piece of cake, Johnny Dear?" Grandma asks.

"Yes, please," Johnny replies.

"That's a good boy, Johnny," Grandma says happily. "I love to hear you say please."

"And if you want to hear me say it again, you can put some ice cream on it," Johnny replies.

Fred was going out to lunch one day when he passed by a pet shop with a sign in the window reading, "Puppies for sale, only $10 dollars."

Unable to resist such a good deal, Fred went inside and bought one. As Fred arrived home a few moments later, his wife Louise came to greet him. "How was your lunch, dear?"

"Actually, I didn't buy lunch today." Fred replied.

Louise looks at him quizzically. "You didn't?"

"No," Fred replied. "You see, I passed by a pet shop with a great deal on puppies and ended up spending my money on Elvis?"

"Elvis?"

"Yes," Fred replied. "I ate nothin', bought a hound dog."

Madonna is lashing back at people who commented about her appearance on the Grammys.

At least I think it's Madonna.

I'm at my boss's funeral, kneeling and whispering at the coffin...

"Who's thinking outside the box now, Gary?"