Best Jokes

Elvis Costello and Abba are going to tour together this summer, but we don't know who the headliner is.

So, we'll have to wait to see who's on first.

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Anti-proliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be nor confusing.

So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.

This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.

Two Hollywood stars ran into each other at the door of their psychiatrist’s office.

“Hello, there,” said one. “Are you coming or going?"

“If I knew that,” said the other, “I wouldn’t be here.”

When buying an old second-hand car always insist on getting one with a heated rear window.

That way, in winter you can warm your hands while you're pushing it.