Best Jokes

"Do you remember first meeting your wife?"

"Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would begin a new life and I'd never allow her near the gutter again."

"Wow, I hope she appreciates what you did for her."

"Not really. Jill hated to give up bowling."

He's making a list, he's checking it twice.

He left it at home, he's texting his wife...

Comedian: "I highly object to you having me go on stage after that monkey act."

Stage manager: "Honestly, I can understand, the audience might have thought it was an encore."

I tried to get into a trendy New York nightclub last night.

The doorman said to me, "Sorry sir, you've had too many."

Confused, I replied, "What, drinks?"

"No, sir, birthdays!"