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Favorite this joke I just phoned the Police, because someone broke into my home and released thousands of house flies in it...
They're sending out the swat team!
Little Johnny's mother was baking cookies one day. As she began to put a new batch in the oven, she suddenly noticed Johnny staring at the already baked cookies lying on the table.
"Johnny," she said. "Are you trying to take a cookie?"
"No," Johnny replied. "I'm trying not to."
My husband was building shelves in our bedroom and, intending to continue his work the next day, left some tools on my dresser, including a hammer, screwdriver, and chisel.
The following morning, while I was in front of the dresser combing my hair, my teenage daughter walked in.
"Hi, Mom," she said, taking a look at the dresser. "Fixing your face?"
When I was a child, my parents used to always say "Pardon my French" after a swear word.
I'll never forget the first day of French, when my teacher asked us if any of us knew any French.
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