Him: "Since Mr. Wilson has lost his money, half his friends don't know him anymore."
Her: "And the other half?"
Him: "They don't know yet that he's lost his money."
Little Johnny and his family seldom had guests, so he was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest.
Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
In the days before calculators, accountants were frequently unable to get their debits to balance with their credits. So, in order to overcome the discrepancy, they often created a bogus account titled "Taste" to store the unbalanced amount and allow the books to balance.
Unfortunately, the government soon heard of this practice and declared a new law... there would, from this point on, be no accounting for Taste.
Sweetheart to her boyfriend: "Do you love me with all your heart and soul?"
Boyfriend: "Uh-huh!"
Sweetheart: "Do you think I am the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world?"
Boyfriend: "Uh-huh!"
Sweetheart: "Do you think my lips are like rose petals?"
Boyfriend: "Uh-huh!"
Sweetheart: "Oh you say the most beautiful things!"