Teacher: "Why are you late this morning?"
Student: "Its my alarm clock. Everyone got up except me!"
Teacher: How did the alarm clock make you the only one not to get up?"
Student: "There are eight of us in the my family and the alarm clock was only set for seven."
Two friends met on the street after not having seen each other for some time, One of them was on crutches.
"Hello!" said the other man. "Why are you on crutches?"
"Car accident," said the man on crutches.
"When did that happen?"
"Oh, about six weeks ago."
"And you still have to be on crutches?"
"Well, my doctor says I could get along without them. My lawyer says I can't."