Best Jokes

"You know, I think everyone should divide their worldly goods with the other fellow," said an office worker to another.

"That's a good idea. If you had two thousand dollars would you give me half?"

"Sure."

"And if you had two automobiles, would you give me one?"

"Sure."

"And if you had two shirts, would you give me one?"

"No."

"No? Why?"

"Because I have two shirts."

To make his class interesting, an English language teacher asked a grade 3 student to challenge him in an English test. The student wrote this word on the classroom board, SIDANDTED, and asked his teacher to explain its meaning.

The teacher looked at the word for some time and even searched for its meaning in the dictionary. After several minutes of his research, he gave up and asked his student to explain the meaning.

The student simply said, “They are my friends, Sid and Ted.”

Mary Jones was debating on the best means of dropping her current flame.

Her friend ask: "Are you worried because you think he'll tell lies about you?"

Mary answered: "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth I will break his neck!"

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.

Doctor: Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.

Patient: I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.