Best Jokes

Wife: "What are you doing?"

Husband: "Nothing."

Wife: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."

I got robbed at the gas station today. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it.
I said, "Yes, pump number six."

A pedantic bore forced a conversation with a fellow passenger on a coast to coast flight, and made a great parade of his knowledge. The passenger listened as long as he could. Looking at him gravely, he said, "My friend, you and I know all that there is to know."

"How is that?" asked the bore, pleased with what he thought was a complimentary association.

"Well," began the traveler, "you know everything there is to know except that you are a bore, and I know that."

"What would be the first thing you'd do if you had hydrophobia?" one resident doctor ask another.

"I'd ask for a pencil and paper," replied the other doctor.

"To make your last will?"

"No, to make a list of the people I want to bite."