Best Jokes

I told a girl on the flight that she was pretty. She replied, "Tell me something I don't know."

So I asked if she remembered the quadratic formula.

An engineer and a psychiatrist meet up for their 20th college reunion.

The engineer says, "I'm surprised to see you still looking so young. I'd have thought listening to people's problems all day would have given you a mass of wrinkles."

The psychiatrist says, "You think we listen?"

A patient came to the hospital with a burned right hand. As the doctor took down his medical history, he asked the injured man, “Do you smoke?”

“Yeah, a pack and a half a day,” said the patient.

Concerned, the doctor told him, “You should consider quitting.”

“No, it’s OK,” said the patient. “I smoke with my left hand.”

The speaker was genuinely enthusiastic about the virtues of temperance but his face made people doubt him.

Towards the close of his testimony he squared his shoulders, held his head tall, and said, "I have lived in this town all my life. in this town there are fifty-five public houses that sell liquor, and I am proud to say that I have never been in one of them!"

Then came a small voice from the back, "Which one is that?"