Best Jokes

A patient came to the hospital with a burned right hand. As the doctor took down his medical history, he asked the injured man, “Do you smoke?”

“Yeah, a pack and a half a day,” said the patient.

Concerned, the doctor told him, “You should consider quitting.”

“No, it’s OK,” said the patient. “I smoke with my left hand.”

The speaker was genuinely enthusiastic about the virtues of temperance but his face made people doubt him.

Towards the close of his testimony he squared his shoulders, held his head tall, and said, "I have lived in this town all my life. in this town there are fifty-five public houses that sell liquor, and I am proud to say that I have never been in one of them!"

Then came a small voice from the back, "Which one is that?"

Son: Dad do you believe in ghost?

Dad: No.

Son: Our maid said ghost exist.

Dad: We don't have maid.

Mom: Meet me out in the car right now.

Dad: Why?

Mom: We don't have son.

Dad: Wait.... I am not married..!!

You know what really makes me sick?

The Flu.