An older gentleman goes into a bar and hears the other patrons discussing the ups and down of marriage. "Next week my wife and I will celebrate our fiftieth anniversary," he tells them.
"That's great. What's your secret for a long and happy marriage," one asks.
"Well, you have to do nice things for your wife."
"Well, for our twenty fifth anniversary I took her to Italy."
"That is nice. What are you going to do for your fiftieth?"
"I'm going back to visit her."
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BRAINLESS DEAF FOOL!!! MAYBE IF YOU LISTENED, YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO HELP SOME!