After sitting down, Jupiter says, "I'm the biggest planet, give me the biggest beer you have."
Saturn says, "I'm the best looking planet, give me the fanciest drink you have."
Pluto says, "I know I'm not a planet, but give me a shot!
"We have your son," said the kidnapper.
"I don't have a son," says the woman.
"Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?"
"Oh God, you have my husband."
A customer walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have a pint of less, please.”
“Less?” queried the bartender. “What’s that?”
“I don’t know either,” said the customer, “but my doctor told me to drink less.”
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a beer.
The bartender said: “It’s a pleasure to serve you Mr. Hasselhoff.”
“Just call me Hoff,” said the actor.
“Sure,” said the bartender. “No hassle.”