In which bank doers Dracula like to save money?
In a blood bank!
Magistrate: "What was he doing when you arrested him?"
Policeman: "He was arguing with a taxi driver, Your Honor."
Magistrate: "That is no proof he has drunk."
Policeman: "Well, Your Honor, there was no taxi driver there."
The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She’s beautiful, isn’t she?"
I said, "If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate!"
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she’s an optician!"
What does a dalmatian say when scratching an itch?
"Ah, that's the spot!"