Q: What do you get when you mix vodka, tomato juice, and Geritol?
A: A Tired Bloody Mary
"I proposed to my girl friend last night, who just got promoted to a HR position earlier in the day."
"That is cool! What did she say?"
She said, "We will get back to you soon."
A weasel is dining at a restaurant. He takes his seat and starts looking over the menu.
The waiter then asks, "What can I get you to drink, sir?"
"Oh, not much. Just a diet pop," goes the weasel.
Irony- getting CPR from someone with bad breath!
The one that is trying to make you breathe, is the same one that is taking your breath away.