Latest Jokes

As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses.

"I really only need mine for close reading," explained the first.

Remarked the second, "I only use mine when the light is bad."

The third confessed, "I rarely wear mine - except when I want to see."

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine,” replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, he clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her, "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Like all growing boys, my teenage grandson was constantly hungry. I went to the refrigerator to find something he might like.

After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili. I called out to him excitedly. He came running into the kitchen.

"Look! I found some chili!" I said to him.

Struggling to be polite, he said, "If you're that surprised, I'm not really sure I want it."