Latest Jokes

Jack's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving. During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the food was, in the kitchen.

He sat there happily, chatting away for a couple of hours before it all clicked. "You know," he confided to Jack, "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway."

He continued, "My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved, so that we can go out."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you assume the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn wearing my swimming trunks?"

"Probably that I married you for your money."

Me: What's the wifi password?

Barman: You need to buy a drink first.

Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.

Barman: Is Pepsi okay?

Me: Sure. How much is that?

Barman: £3.

Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?

Barman: You need to buy a drink first... No spaces, all lowercase!